Well, since my last post here is what has been going on...
We took a break for a month and that was NICE!! No hot flashes or mood swings and no injections!! But it was hard because I knew that we wouldn't be getting pregnant either.
This month we went back on the hormone cycle, 100mg of Clomid and Progesterone injections. They worked as far as getting my hormones where they need to be so that is good but we don't know yet if I am pregnant this month.
My Doctors nurse called today and said that if I am not pregnant this cycle she wants to set up an appointment with a Fertility Specialist now. This was pretty hard for me to take. I know that it may be good to find out from someone else's point of view what we can do, and it is a step closer to possibly getting pregnant, but....
This also means that it is not likely that I will be getting pregnant without inutero or invitro fertilization. That is really hard to accept. Especially since I have never had any "female" issues. Kort and I have decided we will go to the first appointment with the Specialist together to see what they have in mind then we will decide where to go from there.
All I can do at this point is just pray that I am pregnant this month and keep praying for patience if I am not!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
I know it's been awhile...
The truth is I was hoping to be able to post on here soon that we are pregnant..but I can't post that yet and I want to update everyone on what is going on.
This past month the DR increase my Clomid to 100mg instead of 50mg. This was TOUGH!! I had headaches, body aches, and some serious MOOD SWINGS!!! I nearly had a breakdown in walmart because I couldn't find a movie I was looking for!! I dont think I went one day without crying about something for a whole 2 weeks!!
Following the Clomid, I received Progesterone injections instead of the cream I was doing. The DR said the cream wasn't doing its job so we tried this instead...YAY.....
Kort gave me the shots and even though needles don't bother me, it wasn't fun! We did 10 days of that then went to the DR for tests. Both the Clomid and the Progesterone worked!! My levels all got to where they are supposed to be! That is very good news!! (Except that it means I have to do injects every cycle that I take Clomid...but as long as I get a baby, it will be worth it!)
During my appointment we went over my hormone reactions over the last few months and she said my levels prove that I am only ovulating every other month, even with the Clomid. We decided that if I am not pregnant this cycle that we will take a break next month and let my body rest and try again in two months when my "strong" ovary should ovulate. I am glad for the break but it means that I have to wait another 2 months before I have the possibility of getting pregnant...that sucks!
One thing that has made me feel better as I look back over what we have been through is that time has gone by really fast. It seems like waiting for those certain days of the month to come along so that we can try take forever....but the days go by pretty fast and all I can do is pray for patience and keep doing what we are doing!!
This past month the DR increase my Clomid to 100mg instead of 50mg. This was TOUGH!! I had headaches, body aches, and some serious MOOD SWINGS!!! I nearly had a breakdown in walmart because I couldn't find a movie I was looking for!! I dont think I went one day without crying about something for a whole 2 weeks!!
Following the Clomid, I received Progesterone injections instead of the cream I was doing. The DR said the cream wasn't doing its job so we tried this instead...YAY.....
Kort gave me the shots and even though needles don't bother me, it wasn't fun! We did 10 days of that then went to the DR for tests. Both the Clomid and the Progesterone worked!! My levels all got to where they are supposed to be! That is very good news!! (Except that it means I have to do injects every cycle that I take Clomid...but as long as I get a baby, it will be worth it!)
During my appointment we went over my hormone reactions over the last few months and she said my levels prove that I am only ovulating every other month, even with the Clomid. We decided that if I am not pregnant this cycle that we will take a break next month and let my body rest and try again in two months when my "strong" ovary should ovulate. I am glad for the break but it means that I have to wait another 2 months before I have the possibility of getting pregnant...that sucks!
One thing that has made me feel better as I look back over what we have been through is that time has gone by really fast. It seems like waiting for those certain days of the month to come along so that we can try take forever....but the days go by pretty fast and all I can do is pray for patience and keep doing what we are doing!!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Waiting...
The doctor didn't want to test my hormones this month, she just wants to see me if I am not pregnant to talk about the next step to take. Obviously I am hoping there won't be a need to see her except to confirm pregnancy...but we shall see....
Kort and my anniversary is tomorrow. We will have been married for 2 years. I cannot believe how fast the time has gone. Just a year ago we were in San Francisco enjoying our first big trip together. We had only been trying for a few months to get pregnant and while I was disappointed that it hadnt happened yet, I never could have guess what this last year has been like. In so many way it has been amazing! I have a home that I am comfortable in, a job I am good at, and a husband that still treats me the same way he did when we were dating...like I am the most important person in the world.
I am still on the progesterone and my hormones are leveling out it seems, no more night sweats or hot flashes so that is good! Now we just pray that this is the month and trust that God has a plan for us that is above what we plan for ourselves!!
Kort and my anniversary is tomorrow. We will have been married for 2 years. I cannot believe how fast the time has gone. Just a year ago we were in San Francisco enjoying our first big trip together. We had only been trying for a few months to get pregnant and while I was disappointed that it hadnt happened yet, I never could have guess what this last year has been like. In so many way it has been amazing! I have a home that I am comfortable in, a job I am good at, and a husband that still treats me the same way he did when we were dating...like I am the most important person in the world.
I am still on the progesterone and my hormones are leveling out it seems, no more night sweats or hot flashes so that is good! Now we just pray that this is the month and trust that God has a plan for us that is above what we plan for ourselves!!
Monday, August 9, 2010
Clomid- Month 3
These hot flashes are going to be the death of me!! I am normally a cold natured person and I would rather be hot than cold...but not lately!! The Clomid and Progesterone are messing with my hormones enough that I am having hot flashes and night sweats and I HATE IT!!
I do have to say that this last round of Clomid has been the easiest on me...just a few headaches, no migraines and no other symptoms like I was having so that was a relief! Last cycle my Progesterone was better but not as high as it needed to be so I am doing it twice a day instead of once, so hopefully that will work. I feel like we are moving in the right direction, I just hate how long it is taking us to get there.
My doctors office is really starting to frustrate me, even though I know it really isn't their fault. My doctor was out of town last week on vacation but was still able to look at my Progesterone results (which I thought was nice considering the last thing I would want to do in Hawaii is look at lab results). The nurse called me and told me to double up on my Progesterone and that the Dr wanted to see me on the 5th day of my cycle...the problem was that was Wednesday and she was still out of town. The nurse said she would ask what the Dr wanted me to do and let me know....I never got a call back.
I knew the Dr would be back today so I called to see if I need to make an appointment and when I need to go in to get my hormones checked this month. A nurse calls me back to ask what all I needed and tells me she will ask the Dr then call me back...that was at noon today and I never got a call back!! I realize that I am not their only patients and that nurses have a lot to handle in one day but how am I supposed to know what to do if no one calls me back?!?!
Ok that is all the venting I am going to do on that because I know that all I can do is call back tomorrow and try to get an answer.
Nothing really exciting has happened since my last post so I don't have much more to add except that I am really hopeful that this month we will get one more step closer to having a baby, if not get pregnant. I know that by being hopeful I am setting myself up for disappointment but I can't help but feel like it will happen soon with the progress we have made in the last few months. Keep praying for us!!
I do have to say that this last round of Clomid has been the easiest on me...just a few headaches, no migraines and no other symptoms like I was having so that was a relief! Last cycle my Progesterone was better but not as high as it needed to be so I am doing it twice a day instead of once, so hopefully that will work. I feel like we are moving in the right direction, I just hate how long it is taking us to get there.
My doctors office is really starting to frustrate me, even though I know it really isn't their fault. My doctor was out of town last week on vacation but was still able to look at my Progesterone results (which I thought was nice considering the last thing I would want to do in Hawaii is look at lab results). The nurse called me and told me to double up on my Progesterone and that the Dr wanted to see me on the 5th day of my cycle...the problem was that was Wednesday and she was still out of town. The nurse said she would ask what the Dr wanted me to do and let me know....I never got a call back.
I knew the Dr would be back today so I called to see if I need to make an appointment and when I need to go in to get my hormones checked this month. A nurse calls me back to ask what all I needed and tells me she will ask the Dr then call me back...that was at noon today and I never got a call back!! I realize that I am not their only patients and that nurses have a lot to handle in one day but how am I supposed to know what to do if no one calls me back?!?!
Ok that is all the venting I am going to do on that because I know that all I can do is call back tomorrow and try to get an answer.
Nothing really exciting has happened since my last post so I don't have much more to add except that I am really hopeful that this month we will get one more step closer to having a baby, if not get pregnant. I know that by being hopeful I am setting myself up for disappointment but I can't help but feel like it will happen soon with the progress we have made in the last few months. Keep praying for us!!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Clomid- Month 2
This month the Clomid was alot easier to handle which was good! I still had some headaches and overall felt kinda blah but no migraines or stomach issues. Part of me was kind of worried that it didn't work this month but....
The nurse called this morning and my estrogen was definately high enough so I ovulated!! YAY!!! Now I am using Progesterone cream every night until I get that tested to see if it will be high enough for me to be pregnant.
Things have been good for me emotionally except for those moments every now and then that sneak up on me and I think "Why doesnt God want me to be a mom?" or "I wonder if Kort regrets marrying someone that can't give him a kid." I know that isn't fair to God or Kort but I can't help but blame myself, even if I do know that it is nothing I did to cause the infertility.
I hope I don't sound like I am whining because I am not. I am reminded everyday that I am so lucky. I have the best husband in the world, friends that support me and love me and a job and a home and a life that is better than anything I could have ever imagined!
It's hard sometimes because I feel guilty for letting my infertility bother me so much, then other times I feel like I am the only one in the world who knows what this is like. I know that isn't true and that I shouldn't feel guilty because not being able to make a baby when I want one so bad is supposed to be upsetting.
Every month I tell myself, it is ok, this will be the month I get pregnant...but when I am not I have to convince myself that I hadn't really gotten my hopes up. It is an up and down roller coaster that is starting to make me dizzy. Of course the general answer to this from people who don't understand is just "stop trying for a while and you will get pregnant." Now that I know that the problem is that my estrogen and progesterone aren't high enough when they are supposed to be, how does it make any sense to stop taking the medicine that makes my body ovulate??
So I just have to stay on this roller coaster and concentrate on the fact that it will be over eventually and I will have a beautiful baby that is worth all this trouble and so much more....
Its a good thing I like roller coasters huh?
The nurse called this morning and my estrogen was definately high enough so I ovulated!! YAY!!! Now I am using Progesterone cream every night until I get that tested to see if it will be high enough for me to be pregnant.
Things have been good for me emotionally except for those moments every now and then that sneak up on me and I think "Why doesnt God want me to be a mom?" or "I wonder if Kort regrets marrying someone that can't give him a kid." I know that isn't fair to God or Kort but I can't help but blame myself, even if I do know that it is nothing I did to cause the infertility.
I hope I don't sound like I am whining because I am not. I am reminded everyday that I am so lucky. I have the best husband in the world, friends that support me and love me and a job and a home and a life that is better than anything I could have ever imagined!
It's hard sometimes because I feel guilty for letting my infertility bother me so much, then other times I feel like I am the only one in the world who knows what this is like. I know that isn't true and that I shouldn't feel guilty because not being able to make a baby when I want one so bad is supposed to be upsetting.
Every month I tell myself, it is ok, this will be the month I get pregnant...but when I am not I have to convince myself that I hadn't really gotten my hopes up. It is an up and down roller coaster that is starting to make me dizzy. Of course the general answer to this from people who don't understand is just "stop trying for a while and you will get pregnant." Now that I know that the problem is that my estrogen and progesterone aren't high enough when they are supposed to be, how does it make any sense to stop taking the medicine that makes my body ovulate??
So I just have to stay on this roller coaster and concentrate on the fact that it will be over eventually and I will have a beautiful baby that is worth all this trouble and so much more....
Its a good thing I like roller coasters huh?
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Clomid- Month 1
Well month number one on the Clomid was a bust.
I'm not pregnant but I did ovulate which is a good sign, so next month we are going to do the Clomid and add Progesterone to see if that works. I am NOT looking forward to taking the Clomid again!!
Every side effect possible while on it, I had!! It was TERRIBLE! I had a bad headache for 6 days straight, bordering on migraines sometimes with the nausea that comes with it. My back was hurting more than usual...and some other side effects that I wont go into detail about. I hated every minute of that week, but if it is what I have to do in order to ovulate so that I can get pregnant, I will.
Maybe this month wont be so bad since my body has had the Clomid before...wishful thinking I know!!!
I had a little breakdown when I found out that I wasnt pregnant this month. I guess I got my hopes up since I knew that I ovulated. I know better than to do that but I couldnt help it and I was really disappointed! I called Kort and talking to him made me feel better, it always does. He is so understanding and supportive and I know he was disappointed too. Now I am working on having positive thoughts and prayers for this next month. No matter what happens I just have to keep in mind that when it is time for me to get pregnant, I will.
I'm not pregnant but I did ovulate which is a good sign, so next month we are going to do the Clomid and add Progesterone to see if that works. I am NOT looking forward to taking the Clomid again!!
Every side effect possible while on it, I had!! It was TERRIBLE! I had a bad headache for 6 days straight, bordering on migraines sometimes with the nausea that comes with it. My back was hurting more than usual...and some other side effects that I wont go into detail about. I hated every minute of that week, but if it is what I have to do in order to ovulate so that I can get pregnant, I will.
Maybe this month wont be so bad since my body has had the Clomid before...wishful thinking I know!!!
I had a little breakdown when I found out that I wasnt pregnant this month. I guess I got my hopes up since I knew that I ovulated. I know better than to do that but I couldnt help it and I was really disappointed! I called Kort and talking to him made me feel better, it always does. He is so understanding and supportive and I know he was disappointed too. Now I am working on having positive thoughts and prayers for this next month. No matter what happens I just have to keep in mind that when it is time for me to get pregnant, I will.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Trying new things...
Before I start talking about what is going on, I just want to say how incredibly supportive everyone in my life is...especially Kort!! I love you!!
After not getting pregnant for a year, we finished doing all the tests that can be done to determine infertility and the ONLY thing that was found was my cysts. When my hormones were tested back in October, they were all in normal range so it seemed like I was ovulating, especially since I have VERY regular cycles. After all the test were done, my Dr and I decided to retest my hormones this month.....things have changed!!
I had my estrogen tested almost two weeks ago and I was scheduled to have my progesterone tested tomorrow. I went in for a back adjustment (yes my Dr does EVERYTHING!!) and she looked up the results of the estrogen test for me. In order to get pregnant, estrogen levels are supposed to be around 200...mine was at 37!!! Basically we decided that I am only truly ovulating every other month which is why everything was normal in October.
Everyone that knows me knows that I am not a fan of prescription drugs. Basically I believe they have their place but we are an over medicated society because of drug companies and I will do everything natural I can before I take a prescription.
That being said, my Dr and I decided that I should try Clomid. I never thought that not ovulating could be the problem so I didn't think I would ever need it. I will still continue with the natural pills that I am taking but if I am not ovulating, I need to do something a little more dramatic and stronger so that Kort and I can have the baby we have been waiting for. I don't regret taking things slow and trying to conceive naturally because that is just who I am. I have to do whatever I can so that I don't feel like I am just blindly following a Dr's presciption pad to get rid of my problems. I also am not going to feel guilty for deciding now to take a prescription to help us get pregnant. I am now at the point where I am ready to try new things in order to have our baby.
My constant prayer is that God gives us a healthy happy baby and for the patience to wait for our little angel. Patience is not one of my strong virtues but I have learned over this last year that there is alot to learn by waiting for the good things in life.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
What I have to remember...
I need to remember on a daily basis how truly blessed I am.
This isn't easy for me because I have always been blessed and when I struggle with something I focus on that instead of looking at what I have in my life that is so good. I have a Husband who loves me so much sometimes it amazes me. I have a Mom and Dad that made me who I am and that I can truly say are the best parents God could have given me. I have a Mother-in -law and Father-in-law that are wonderful people and who treat me like a daughter they have loved all their lives. I have a brother and sister and brother-in-laws and sister-in-laws that make my life full and give me so many people to turn to when I need anything. I have 5 handsome nephews whose laughter can make my day. I have friends who know me sometimes better than I know myself.
Those are the reasons that I am happy. The only thing I feel I am missing from my life is the chance to become a mom. Kort and I have been trying for a year now to get pregnant and it has been a frustrating, annoying journey. We are both young and healthy and there is no GOOD reason why we cant conceive.
For the first few months we tried, I would get really excited...then really disappointed. Then I decided that I would just wait and see... I gave it to God and didn't stress about it anymore. I still have that attitude but as the months go on I become more and more hurt and lost and confused by my inability to conceive. I know on a realistic level that it is not my fault, but sometimes my heart forgets that and I hurt.
People keep telling me that when we stop trying...that's when it will happen and that if I stop stressing about it...it will happen. Let me tell you that is the LAST thing someone wants to hear who is trying to have a baby. First of all.... when you have been tracking your cycles for months, you cant just stop trying because even without even tracking it...I know when I am ovulating and if we don't try during that time, it lessons our chances of getting pregnant. I am not taking ovulation tests and pregnancy tests every day like I was in the beginning but that is as far as I can go as far as "not trying." Second....I don't stress!! I don't sit around worrying about it and spend all my time taking tests and reading things online and talking about it non-stop. I live my life. Kort and I never fight about it. It isn't putting a strain on our relationship or my relationship with anyone else. I don't cry myself to sleep at night or get mad every month when I start. Every now and then I do get frustrated and confused and have all the normal feelings I am supposed to have in this situation but I can't see that keeping me from getting pregnant. I know people try to help but the best thing anyone can do for me is just say " I hope you guys get pregnant soon" and leave it at that.
I am going to blog about my experience with being "infertile" (I have come to HATE that word by the way) until I get pregnant. I am going to write about my frustrations, my hopes and my experiences with the hope that when I do conceive I can look back and learn something from this journey. I wish I would have done this a year ago, but better late than never, right? One thing I want to remember as I blog about this is that I Am Blessed.
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