What I have to remember...

I need to remember on a daily basis how truly blessed I am.

This isn't easy for me because I have always been blessed and when I struggle with something I focus on that instead of looking at what I have in my life that is so good. I have a Husband who loves me so much sometimes it amazes me. I have a Mom and Dad that made me who I am and that I can truly say are the best parents God could have given me. I have a Mother-in -law and Father-in-law that are wonderful people and who treat me like a daughter they have loved all their lives. I have a brother and sister and brother-in-laws and sister-in-laws that make my life full and give me so many people to turn to when I need anything. I have 5 handsome nephews whose laughter can make my day. I have friends who know me sometimes better than I know myself.

Those are the reasons that I am happy. The only thing I feel I am missing from my life is the chance to become a mom. Kort and I have been trying for a year now to get pregnant and it has been a frustrating, annoying journey. We are both young and healthy and there is no GOOD reason why we cant conceive.

For the first few months we tried, I would get really excited...then really disappointed. Then I decided that I would just wait and see... I gave it to God and didn't stress about it anymore. I still have that attitude but as the months go on I become more and more hurt and lost and confused by my inability to conceive. I know on a realistic level that it is not my fault, but sometimes my heart forgets that and I hurt.

People keep telling me that when we stop trying...that's when it will happen and that if I stop stressing about it...it will happen. Let me tell you that is the LAST thing someone wants to hear who is trying to have a baby. First of all.... when you have been tracking your cycles for months, you cant just stop trying because even without even tracking it...I know when I am ovulating and if we don't try during that time, it lessons our chances of getting pregnant. I am not taking ovulation tests and pregnancy tests every day like I was in the beginning but that is as far as I can go as far as "not trying." Second....I don't stress!! I don't sit around worrying about it and spend all my time taking tests and reading things online and talking about it non-stop. I live my life. Kort and I never fight about it. It isn't putting a strain on our relationship or my relationship with anyone else. I don't cry myself to sleep at night or get mad every month when I start. Every now and then I do get frustrated and confused and have all the normal feelings I am supposed to have in this situation but I can't see that keeping me from getting pregnant. I know people try to help but the best thing anyone can do for me is just say " I hope you guys get pregnant soon" and leave it at that.

I am going to blog about my experience with being "infertile" (I have come to HATE that word by the way) until I get pregnant. I am going to write about my frustrations, my hopes and my experiences with the hope that when I do conceive I can look back and learn something from this journey. I wish I would have done this a year ago, but better late than never, right? One thing I want to remember as I blog about this is that I Am Blessed.